how they push they way into your life and demand you take a look at them. how they manage to find a whine in everywhere they go. some people just... and i just thought they they might be suicidal when i picked up that first call, and i continued to do so without giving much, in turn they expect more.

i have no resistance to demands, it could be a character flaw, but it doesn't mean i don't have a preference.

Updating finally. Always a friend when i need some space -- my blog space. My safe-haven.

where confused thoughts become clearer.
where directions are mapped.
where i mark an "X" in the many crossroads of life.

X

So today i hear something about my future. No personal living space ever. In my entire life, never my own to call. And even in the future, never. never? sigh. how to change that? and its really not such a bad thing... but i wanted a place to call my own since.... i could remember.

*taking a look around* this bedroom - not mine entirely. never mine to do anything i wanted, never mine to be as messy as i wanted or as neat as i wanted it. it cant be changed now. so i look forward to the future.... when i get a house of my own. where i can go back home and walk around naked and noone would care cos its my own space. the irony of life. after waiting for 27 years, it might never come true.

i wanted to buy my own house really. $? doesn't drop frm the sky. so in between now and when i want to be married, i need that to happen to at least fulfill that dream to say i've done it, at least even for a while. But i guess i need to give that dream up. How? not enough time for the $ to drop frm the sky, that's why.

And so i hope for after that. When someone can buy a house with me. But its not possible. I have to share the house with the extended family, no arguments. :( As i said, its not a bad thing. (Of course a huge house would make it better for privacy.. but that's another topic altogether) Just that i will never get to fulfill at that dream at least once in my life. Not even for a short while.

*Acceptance* Its hard. Do i have to? I know for love i will. But i don't want. Do i get that chance now to just sit on the floor and wail....... i can't believe my luck... when its a norm, its not for me.

I didn't eat it. Nor make it. Merely watched it being made... DTL (Discovery Travel and Living) sometimes have the most amazing shows. Like how i never bothered about cooking the best things, and well, cooking. Period.

The most major thing i've ever mastered is to do a Tiramisu, which i think was about 2 years ago since i made it... SO. At about 10pm just now, on Food Safari, i see some lady who doesn't even speak Chinese i think, make some super deliciously looking hainanese Chicken Rice - i'm quite determined -- I WILL CONQUER MAKING FRAGRANT CHICKEN RICE!

Here's today's exercise. . . . . .  Memory jogging. (Keeps the mind healthy!)

HAINANESE CHICKEN RICE, Jog I
INGREDIENTS:
Rice needs Garlic, Shallots, Ginger, Pandan Leaves, (Chicken) Stock
Chicken stuffing needs Garlic, Shallots, Ginger, (Tsaoshing?) Rice wine, Light Soy Sauce

CHICKEN PREPARATION
1) Blend coarsely chopped up pieces of Garlic + Shallots + Ginger. Not too blended.
2) Hand-Scoop blended mixture into chicken, add rice wine, light soy sauce
3) Place Chicken whole, into boiled water. Poach for one hour, but within half hour, turn the heat back on lightly so that the chicken gets poached well.
4) Prepare Chicken Skin Seasoning. Skin Seasoning needs Soy Sauce + Rice wine + Sesame Seed oil (few drops) alll blended.
5) Apply Chicken Skin Seasoning onto Chicken. Now taken outta the boiling pot. (DAMN. I forget if Chicken Skin Seasoning is before or after boiling pot. But watever.)
CHICKEN READY!

CHICKEN RICE PREPARATION
Mix Garlic, Shallots, Ginger in some sesame seed oil (urm, i dunno about sesame seed oil, but that's my logical presumption ;p). Pour mixture onto cooked rice (i think the rice is coooked already. If this way doesn't work, i guess we have to try with uncooked rice.. oops). Tie up the pandan leaves and put it in. Pour in enough chicken stock to cover rice. Carry on with rice cooker til rice is cooked.

PREPARE CHILLI SAUCE (add lime for tangy taste), Ginger+Garlic sauce and Black sauce.

SERVE!!!!!!!! Sounds yummy. I wonder when i make it if its gonna be edible. But let's cross our fingers and hope for the best.